marke, valencia rhae

[val]

valenciarhaemarke
nineteen.college freshman. fiesty.impulsive.sensitive.lights poxleitner.

"i'm pretty much an open book, to be honest. i've come to accept the fact that i will die eventually, doesn't matter if it's tomorrow or fifty years from now. so with that mindset, recently, i've opened myself to the world, to put it simply. i've started doing everything i thought i'd just wait for until i was older. stuff like drinking, going to as many parties as possible, sneaking into clubs and bars, having sex with whoever i feel like it, flirting with any guy i find attractive...i pretty much just don't want to hold back from anything because i thought it was too risky. i don't want to die not living life to the fullest. along with that i refuse to let other people ruin my good mood, the only person that is allowed to do that is me. nothing is going to stop me from getting what i want in life.

despite wanting to be carefree, i am anything but carefree. by moving here and going college i made the decision to do everything on my own, pretty much. after my brother died, i had to go to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. i didn't know that i had something mentally wrong with me, but what the fuck ever. fuck them i'm better than ever. sure, people think it's unhealthy how i'm trying to live now but i find it to be even more fun than i could ever imagine. they just want something else to blame on my brother, i think, that's why my parents want something to be wrong with me. they can't just be happy with what is already wrong with me, so they have to give it a name and signed off by a doctor.

that said, no i'm not happy with who i am. yeah, whatever, i come off being cocky and egotistical...only because guys like that in girls. i want to be the kind of girl a guy can keep around for more than a couple weeks. why can't i have a happy relationship where i move in with a guy, eventually get married, and then have a long life together? no i get the dicks who play with me then just throw me away. whatever, i probably did something to deserve it. fucking perfect bitches with their long flowing blonde hair and their curvy figures that guys just drool over. whatever...i could be better than them, hell i am....

alright, so i'm not the happiest girl in town...but it kills me seeing my friends sad. i'll do anything, no matter ridiculous or painful, just to see them smile. alright, i'm not gonna lie, but you tell anyone this i'll kill you. i do love people trying to make me feel better. when someone tries to make me feel better it lets me know they care. hell, i get straight up giddy when i can tell someone cares enough about me to want to see me smile. knowing that about myself, i am damn sure that other people want to feel that way too, so i love making people smile.

to wrap this shizlenit up, i'm a bit of a nerd. i'm a star wars, marvel, dc, science fiction loving geek. anything with a laser gun in it i'll give it a try. i still love to bring out my old light saber toys and force someone to battle with me. i don't care about being childish, my therapist says if it helps me feel more confident go for it. so, hey, i got a doctors order to act like a colorful freak in public! i love it. along with these childish antics, i am an arts major. why? i wanna be a freakin' comic book artist and do all the illustrations for batman or wonderwoman comics, wouldn't that just be kickass? the correct answer is yes. or hell yes, i'd accept any variations.

well i was born in albany, new york and lived there pretty much my whole life. to sum up my life in a few paragraphs really wouldn't do it justice so i'm going to be a little bitch about this and generalize everything.
i was born from two caring-ish parents who said they tried to do everything for my brother and i. well, teenage angst aside they really did. my parents were some of the best people i know, that's not saying much but it's the best i can do. i love them and that's all that really counts, right?

i used to have light brown hair and be a pretty good kid. i did great in school and obeyed my parents as much as any normal teenager does, i guess...not very much but still wasn't the worst kid out there. also, like any normal girl, i would argue with everything i have that i really hated my older brother. but also, like any normal kid, my brother was my mentor, my role model, and i wanted to be exactly like him. it was never explained and i probably couldn't do it anyway, i just wanted to do everything he did but in a different way. so when i got old enough i started playing piano when he started with drums. when he died his hair black and started getting tattoos, i started drawing fake tattoos on myself saying that they'll be what i will get for sure when i get old enough, i even started smoking when i saw him smoking.

during high school i followed him and his friends around wanting to be cool like them...and it helped all of my brother's friends were flat out sexy. they always kicked me out of their band rehearsals and never let me come to their shows...well they never let me but i came anyway damn it. watching them was like seeing your favorite band play for the first time...but for me that feeling came with every show. i felt so proud to say that the man on stage was my brother and that i even knew the other four guys.

well just six months ago, i was in the last couple days of school when my teacher got a phone call then looked at me with the most horrified look that i've ever seen, even worse when she tried to be scary reading beowolf. she told me that i needed to go to the hospital right away. so i, of course, ran straight to my car not worrying about what the school would do to me for skipping and drove like a mad woman to the hospital. when iran inside i was greeted by all my brothers friends just sitting in the waiting room looking like they just saw a ghost, before i knew it my mom was hugging me and crying her eyes out saying jackson, my brother, was dead. that was the worst feeling i ever got in my life...well, that and the feeling i had the day of his funeral...realizing you'll never see your best friend, your pretty much second half, ever again...sorry can't finish that sentence....

well, i was supposed to enroll in NYU to get my degree but that all changed. i switched plans and just knew i had to get out of that town...get out of that state and as far away as i possibly could. being in that town, seeing everyone, it just made me remember what i lost...i couldn't stay there. so i left an decided to come here for college. my parents are making me see a shrink because of the last minute choice, they think i'm going to blow up or something. i'm getting better...it's getting better..."

behind the mask

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alias laykin
age nineteen
experience six to seven years
how'd you find us? site hopping

[taylor]

accepted!
puhhhh-lease post in claims, k thanks!